10
buildingboats

Today Katie and I reconciled. Better then I think I thought possible. I think it’s a testament to both how much we love each other…and desire a future together…as well as a testament to how much Katie and I have worked separately to be together. I had no idea that Katie would be ready to get together after a week…I didn’t know that I would feel ready after so short a time…but I do feel ready…ready to be together…even though I know I have a lot of personal healing to do. Katie understands this…but I don’t think it means that we need to be separate…it just means I still have work to do.

I think a lot of the work I have to do is going through therapy…continuing to journal…continuing to make lists of things to do and follow through on them…especially finishing the books I’m reading, playing piano, and exercising at least 3 days a week. But these are all things I can do with Katie…as long as she knows that it’s my responsibility to hold myself accountable to my goals…and not her. I think she definitely has a place to explain how worried she might be about me if she doesn’t see me accomplishing my goals.

I was so relieved after our conversation that I ate dinner and then slept for 14 hours…sleep I desperately needed. I feel such a strong sense of relief…and accomplishment having successfully worked through speed bump in the relationship journey that Katie and I have taken. I think that this is the best journey and resolution that Katie and I have ever gone through. Of all the other times of conflict…this feels like it was handled and resolved the best…the most mature…well thought out…and I think one of the most important factors in why this was handled so well is that Katie and I were so vulnerable to each other.

Even though Katie is the one who took charge and decided to go stay with her mom…I know that she must have felt as vulnerable to me as much as I felt vulnerable to her. She was vulnerable to me loving her so much that I would spend all the energy that I had to fix my pornography addiction just as I was vulnerable to her finding healing and mercy when it came to my betrayal.  If we both had not been vulnerable of been so motivated to heal separately for each other then we would not be getting back together so fast.

I can’t wait for Katie to be back at home…for our first embrace…for our first sleep…for our first almost everything.


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